Okay, so some of you probably already know my family has several chickens, about 7 right now I think. Also, some of you might know, I live in the nicest bedroom, at the back of the house overlooking the garden (where the chickens live). Stay with me, there's a point to all this. Many morning's I am woken by the completely pointless commotion they make. Every once in a while, one of the chickens will get overexcited and start squawking, and when one starts, they all start. Like dogs barking, it can go on like this for 10 minutes or 10 hours, and unlike dogs, you cannot make them stop by yelling at them.
So obviously, I am very used to being awakened by the dulcet tones of bat-crap crazy chickens. Now, here's where the story gets good: Early this morning, I was planning to go to the Market at the Square, our local farmer's market. So here I am, still asleep, but with that sneaking feeling I need to get up soon. Suddenly, i hear chickens. I moan. They don't stop. I put a pillow over my head. They don't shut up. I try to ignore them. They're still there. Finally, after what feels like half an hour but was probably only 5 minutes, I give up and wake up, reaching for my alarm clock. Then I stop. No chickens. Nothing. I can tell from years of practice, that they didn't just stop. They were never making any noise.
This morning, I was woken up by the chickens in my head.
I leave in 8 days.

If you ask me, I'm really looking forward to leaving. I am 'psyched', as the kids are saying these days. My forward thinking brain is telling me "You are capable, excited, ready. Hundreds of kids do this every year, and they are not all as prepared as you. You can do this!
But it wasn't until about 25 minutes ago that I realized that that is only one part of my brain talking. My conscious brain. The one that tells me I need water and I'm forgetting to return those library books. The one that bossed me into trying all this crap in the first place. The one who's causing problems now is my subconscious brain. The one that flinches every time I see a needle. The one that has that irrational fear of anything cutting the inside of my arm. The one that caused that dream last night, were one of my best friends (who shall remain nameless) was suddenly 2 feet taller than me and she ran a weird cafe full of mismatched chairs and Chinese standing screens and cacti. One of the cafe patrons kept trying to kill me and when he eventually succeeded in poisoning my Amaretto, the last thing I saw was my friend, who shrugged and said, "That's life." I woke up and wasn't able to go back to sleep for 40 minutes.
God damn subconscious.
It's my subconscious mind that's responsible for me being perfectly happy, and yet half the time looking at things like that weird dark patch on the wall of the shower can make me break down in tears. The other half, I'm so irrationally angry I can do things like stomp past people who I really would like to sit down and eat a meal with without a word (sorry...I probably wouldn't have been much fun anyway).
2 hours ago, I was laughing at a joke so hard I almost peed. 10 minutes later I was crying harder than when I was not accepted into Uni (which is a lot. Although in retrospect, that was far and away the best way that could have happened. After all, look where I am now!).
I vote we amend the constitution to ban the subconscious. It's not that useful anyway.
I've finally hit the top of the roller coaster, and I can see the tops of the trees, so tiny and far away that I'm probably in space or something.
"The wusses would like to disembark now, please!"

The man was a genius. I just hope I could remember half as much stuff at half his age...

"I'm a modern man, a man for the millennium. Digital and smoke free. A diversified multi-cultural, post-modern deconstruction that is anatomically and ecologically incorrect. I've been up linked and downloaded, I've been inputted and outsourced, I know the upside of downsizing, I know the downside of upgrading. I'm a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!



I'm new wave, but I'm old school and my inner child is outward bound. I'm a hot-wired, heat seeking, warm-hearted cool customer, voice activated and bio-degradable. I interface with my database, my database is in cyberspace, so I'm interactive, I'm hyperactive and from time to time I'm radioactive.

Behind the eight ball, ahead of the curve, ridin the wave, dodgin the bullet and pushin the envelope. I'm on-point, on-task, on-message and off drugs. I've got no need for coke and speed. I've got no urge to binge and purge. I'm in-the-moment, on-the-edge, over-the-top and under-the-radar. A high-concept, low-profile, medium-range ballistic missionary. A street-wise smart bomb. A top-gun bottom feeder. I wear power ties, I tell power lies, I take power naps and run victory laps. I'm a totally ongoing big-foot, slam-dunk, rainmaker with a pro-active outreach. A raging workaholic. A working rageaholic. Out of rehab and in denial!

I've got a personal trainer, a personal shopper, a personal assistant and a personal agenda. You can't shut me up. You can't dumb me down because I'm tireless and I'm wireless, I'm an alpha male on beta-blockers.

I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever, laid-back but fashion-forward. Up-front, down-home, low-rent, high-maintenance. Super-sized, long-lasting, high-definition, fast-acting, oven-ready and built-to-last! I'm a hands-on, foot-loose, knee-jerk head case pretty maturely post-traumatic and I've got a love-child that sends me hate mail.



But, I'm feeling, I'm caring, I'm healing, I'm sharing-- a supportive, bonding, nurturing primary care-giver. My output is down, but my income is up. I took a short position on the long bond and my revenue stream has its own cash-flow. I read junk mail, I eat junk food, I buy junk bonds and I watch trash sports! I'm gender specific, capital intensive, user-friendly and lactose intolerant.



I like rough sex. I like tough love. I use the "F" word in my emails and the software on my hard-drive is hardcore--no soft porn.



I bought a microwave at a mini-mall; I bought a mini-van at a mega-store. I eat fast-food in the slow lane. I'm toll-free, bite-sized, ready-to-wear and I come in all sizes. A fully-equipped, factory-authorized, hospital-tested, clinically-proven, scientifically- formulated medical miracle. I've been pre-wash, pre-cooked, pre-heated, pre-screened, pre-approved, pre-packaged, post-dated, freeze-dried, double-wrapped, vacuum-packed and, I have an unlimited broadband capacity.



I'm a rude dude, but I'm the real deal. Lean and mean! Cocked, locked and ready-to-rock. Rough, tough and hard to bluff. I take it slow, I go with the flow, I ride with the tide. I've got glide in my stride. Drivin and movin, sailin and spinin, jiving and groovin, wailin and winnin. I don't snooze, so I don't lose. I keep the pedal to the metal and the rubber on the road. I party hearty and lunch time is crunch time. I'm hangin in, there ain't no doubt and I'm hangin tough, over and out!"



~George Carlin, a comedic genius and poet extraodinaire

BEST COSTUME EVER


God owes me ComiCon tickets!


I feel a little breathless....

Thank you Dave Maas, I now know why ComiCon is the bestest geekfest EVER!

It's so hot, I can't actually think of something. Anything at all. There are bits of my brain matter oozing out of my ears. Seriously. Here are the only semi-meaningful things I have written in the last day or so:

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


No, this book is not as well-written as The Hobbit, but I have rated it the same for a very simple reason: this was probably one of the best presents under $20 I have ever been given. It came out when I was just the right age and just the right mental area to be the best book ever. I enjoyed it so much that even now, now that I have sadly outgrown the reading bracket this book is intended for and I don't enjoy it anywhere near as much as I used to, I still go waltzing down to the bookstore on the day every sequel is released, pay a rediculous amount for the hardback, and read it in 4 hours with no end of glee. I treasure every Artemis Fowl book I have. They are only the second series, after my Harry Potter's, that have stayed with me in their hardback forms, out of my childhood, and, fate willing, will continue on with me until i can give them to my children.

A Civil Campaign by Lois McMaster Bujold

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


I've never read a Lois McMaster Bujold book that was not the single best thing to come out in it's genre in the year it was released. This book is the best of them all. That's all I should have to say.

Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Calvin and Hobbes taught me how to read. People had been trying for years, but what taught me my letters and began my written vocabulary were those piles of Calvin and Hobbes anthologies on the back of my friends toilet.

The Beekeeper's Apprentice by Laurie R. King

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Finally, a well-written, intelligent female character who is best friends with Sherlock Holmes. Thanks, Mrs. King, you have restored my faith in turn-of-the-century women.

View all my reviews >>

This is mostly a sort of test post, to check if these applications are working. If everything goes as planned, this should be automatically posted to my Facebook page. I feel so hip and highly technological. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go hang up my laundry.

I can't be there, but all that means is that you and your neighbors are tagged in to take my place.
Save me a t-shirt!
GO PRIDE!

I can't come up with a meaningful post. Some people churn out, like 500 words of crap a day or something. I keep having to come up with other funny things to put in my post, because I'm...well, uninspired is a nice way of putting it. Lazy is probably more accurate. I'll give you an example. Recently, I re-watched the NUMB3RS episode "Thirteen" (#4.4) -that show was so good! Freaking money-driven cable companies. In it, a crazy, religious-fanatic serial killer type starts killing people to match the deaths of the 13 apostles. He leaves crazy-cryptic messages, and these really detailed scripture-quote drawings on the walls and floors of his crime scenes. Of course, Charlie and Don catch him and all that jazz, but just to let you know, I will never do this. And here's why: I would never be able to summon up enough energy to paint all that crap on the walls. Seriously? 10 foot long quotes? I feel bored just thinking about it. If I went bonkers (and the fact that i would be living in L.A. would be a big clue) and started kickin' people off, I'd get caught when the FBI got my pattern for giant quote wall-stickers from the Kinko's. Yeesh.

In this vein, here is a book review I just made:

To Say Nothing of the Dog by Connie Willis

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


This is one of the 3 books I would choose to take to my desert island. I could read it a million times, and I would still love it. Connie Willis is a genius.

View all my reviews >>

It's so true...

I'm starting to feel like I'm on another one of those bloody roller coasters. You know, you look at it from the ground and you think, "Come on, it's not really that tall". You stand in line thinking, "Come on already, this is gonna be fun!". You get in the claustrophobic little seat, "Come on, woohoo!" Then suddenly you're on this track, thunking up this steep hill, and you get right to the top and you know that moment where you can feel the little latch that's holding you back give and you suddenly realize you're 50 feet off the ground on a little track about to drop at a 90 degree angle, you can't see the track you're going on, you look out onto what might as well be empty space in a tiny metal cart on rickety rails undoubtedly designed by a disgruntled engineer as a theoretical middle finger to the laws of physics and you suddenly realize, complete moron that you are, that you climbed into this mess of your own volition?
Well, that's where I'm at.

Face it. It's a dorm shower. They don't even make a pipe for the hot water.

How can you put on a meaningful drama when, every fifteen minutes, proceedings are interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits with toilet paper?
~Rod Serling, on commercials

Well, the visa information is in processing. Assuming everything was input correctly and my fingerprints aren't burned off between now and then, I'm good to go on that front. Tomorrow: Grand Rapids.
Here's a video I found of one of my favorite raggaeton songs:



This is the song that should have been the 2010 World Cup theme song.

I am leaving for Chicago tonight. I will be at the embassy applying for my visa tomorrow morning, and I will be in Grand Rapids, Michigan for the annual Rotary Exchange Conference all weekend. Updates to follow!

**WARNING!!**
Contains both spoilers from the 5th season of Doctor Who, and pure awesome!
See: the entire 5th season in 2 minutes, with gestures!


Thank you, and good night.